A Sigh of Relief

It's with much gratitude to Hashem (G-d) that I bring you news from my father. I just spoke to him. He's out of surgery, which was successful, and now on the road BE"H (with G-d's help) toward recovery. He'll still need some major surgery in the future, but for now at least it would seem like we've cleared another hurdle. Thanks for all of your prayers, kind words, and well wishes. If you can continue to keep him in mind during your teffilot that would really be appreciated.

Kol Tuv and Gut Shabbos (Be Well and Good Shabbat)

News and a Call for Prayer

Some of you who've read my blog before are already aware, but for many of you this may be your first time hearing. My father has some serious heart problems. In short he needs a heart transplant, and has now been on the waiting list for one for almost a year and a half. (Since just before Rosh HaShana the year before this last one.) I don't want to take the time to give a full medical history, but in short, he was born with a congenital heart defect, received possibly the first successful childhood surgery at age 4, and was fine until approximately 2 years ago when he had the first of a series of CHF bouts (Congestive Heart Failure). This left his heart swollen to twice normal size, reopening the old whole between the upper chambers of his heart, and leaving 3 of his 4 valves failing. The time since then has been a rough period marked by slow degeneration and anxious waiting (the hardest part) for the unknown time when a heart in his rare blood type will become available. Now for the sudden call to action...

For the last several months he's been constantly attached to an external heart monitor/defibrillator set to shock his heart back into normal rhythm if it would ever Chas V'Shalom (translated non literally - G-d Forbid) slip. This is no longer good enough, and with no replacement heart in sight he's set to move to the next option. This Friday mourning at 7:30am he is scheduled to undergo a somewhat serious operation to have an internal regulator installed. (Unfortunately, I'm not sure the exact details. I just know it's supposed to replace the external set-up he had, and kick it up a notch.) I ask that you please keep him in mind in your various prayers for Refuah (healing). Any Torah that can be learned, Tehilem (Psalms) said, etc, in the merit of his refuah would also be appreciated. His name is:

Baruch Matan HaLevi ben Miriam Sarah

Thanks in advance for all your kind deeds, thoughts, and teffilot (prayers). BE"H (B'Ezrat Hashem - with G-d's help) we should all merit speedily to see the day when no one will need to beg Hashem (G-d) for refuah any longer.

Kol Tuv (Be Well),

Purim Hero

Compelled to Share a Dream

I haven't posted in months. I haven't felt a need. My father still waits. Nothing much has changed. There are simply no updates to make. Yet, I find myself now compelled to post, to share this dream I had last night, this dream I can't get out of my head, a dream which something tells me I must share.

I should preface this by saying that it is very rare that I remember a dream at all, let alone in such vivid detail. The rare exception to this rule usually comes about as a result of a very lucid dream where I'm actually in control of events, or as a result of waking up shocked from a nightmare. In both cases, the dream quickly fades. This it would seem is the exception to the exception. It was no nightmare, and I certainly wasn't in control, and while I've been awake for over an hour now, the images and events aren't fading away in my mind. I can recall it in its entirety, play it back in my head in vivid detail. This dream is different.

Where to begin...

It starts with me hovering over an Island. It's not that I fly, rather I'm able to perceive with a clarity of vision from above. I notice my dot on the surface below. It's a lonely Island, I am its sole inhabitant. I am acutely aware of its vastness and feel very deeply the emptiness there. My days are spent in solitude and with a knowledge that I am broken.

Suddenly, my world is turned on end. I'm joined on this Island by another, a featureless women whom I'm instantly drawn to. She is hurting. I can sense in her a pain so deep that its depths can not be contained within just the core of our planet. It ranges to the true depths, plunging past the surface of the deep spoken of in scripture, into the murky cold depths below. Somehow I know this. She, too, is broken.

Initially, it is as if we two were made for each other, two halves of a broken hole, there is a sense that together we can reform into our essence. Our time is spent together, laughing, running, embracing, comforting one another, and largely just enjoying the presence of the other in still contented silence. We are healing. I can sense this, though I know not if she is also aware. What we do know is that we no longer share feelings of incredible loneliness, nor do we have the sensations of deep, almost surreal pain. We are becoming whole. We discuss this and agree, we were meant to find one another. The mistake I make now is what sets me up for failure. I confuse having been meant to find one another with being meant to be together. I propose, and am accepted. It's a forgone conclusion, for we are the only two.

Then... Enter a third party onto our fair little Island. While I was able to hover my consciousness above the Island, this man could actually fly. At first I believe he is hope for salvation, come to carry us off the Island to a place of civilization, of comfort, and company. But it becomes clear rather quickly he has no interest in me and is content to let me stay on my Island. Her, however, is another story. She becomes infatuated, mesmerized by this new man. While I'm continually assured that my place in her heart is forever, I can feel her drifting away. One day it just happens. She is gone. I see her in his arms as they fly off together toward the horizon. And there I am, again alone on my Island. This time, however, I am broken anew. My loneliness is now of one once loved and lost. My emptiness is now as one one whole and now shattered. Not a half, but a pile of shards seemly impossible to glue back together. As deep as my pain was before, it is now doubled. For I did not go through this experience unchanged. Rather, all of her pain, all her feelings from before our initial encounter. They were now mine. My burden to carry forever more. And the strange part is, in all this I was contented. I shed not a tear, simply resumed my hovered consciousness above my little Island, detached from it all.

A Bit of Optimism

Thanks to everyone who's been praying on my father's behalf. It would seem that the prayers are starting to be answered, though there's still a long way left to go. He's been responding well to his latest bit of treatment, and has been dropping weight steadily. It would seem that he has a new resolve about himself, a hope, a desire to get better and do what it takes to get there.

With his last visit to the doctor he was told that at his current pace that they could probably move the surgery date up from about 6 months, to about 2. Which was probably the best bit of news he could have heard as he hates waiting and feeling helpless. This is giving him the light at the end of the tunnel that he so desperately needs.

So, I just want to say thanks to all of you who've kept him in your hearts and prayers. (His name again is: Baruch Matan HaLevi ben Miriam Sarah.) And of course, much thanks must go out to Hakadosh Baruch Hu (G-d) who's chosen to bless me in recent times in a more revealed way, reminding me of just how close He really is.

Thanks and Good Shabbos!

Correcting the Rhythm

As it seems is the norm these days, I'm a little bit behind on the updates. Thankfully there are many wonderful and amazing people out there praying for my father who regular remind me that their still praying and desiring updates.

So here's the story, a couple weeks ago my father officially went with the second route [see this post] and got himself a defibrillator. In a more optimistic vain, he was able to use a external as opposed to internal defibrillator system (similar to the one pictured above - I think) which saved him from having to undergo another surgical process.

At this point he's now focusing on loosing the weight he needs to and treating his Hep C. B'Ezrat Hashem (with G-ds' help) this will all go smoothly and his waiting period will finally come to an end in about 6 months.

Thanks again to everyone who's been davening (praying) for him.
As a reminder, his name for Teffilah (prayer) is: Baruch Matan HaLevi Ben Miriam Sarah

It's All in the Caption

Neturei Karta Celebrates the Recent CJLS Decision on Homosexuality

Just in case it wasn't enough before...

I realized today that I'm passed due for an update on my fathers health when I was asked by a friend who hadn't heard any news in a while. It was a great reminder of the many wonderful, caring people who are out there praying for my father every day. I know I certainly appreciate it.

Anyway, a little over a week ago I went with my father to see the cardio-transplant specialist at Columbia-Presbyterian. We were given some not so good news. Nothing immediately threatening, or un-treatable, but something which could increase wait time significantly. (For those of you following, you know that waiting is the hardest part of this whole ordeal for my father.) It appears that during his childhood surgery he contracted Hepatitis C from one of his many blood transfusions. Back then they didn't screen or test the donor blood at all. Luckily, Hep C is a very slowly moving infection, and while it is attacking my fathers liver, it is at a very early stage, and certainly treatable. The problem is that he can't do treatment while also undergoing transplant. They are also very hesitant to do a transplant if there's still a need to do treatment. It's a bit of a catch 22.

At this point it would seem that there are really only 2 options. The first would be to go back to the original surgery idea hoping for success and being prepared to install a mechanical heart if it failed. Under this option he could proceed now, and wouldn't have to take the 6 month process of treating his Hep C first. In a scenario where he would get the mechanized heart, he'd be elevated to an emergency transplant status, and hopefully things would move rather quickly, but there are no guarantees. The surgery option at hand also carries a real risk factor, which is why they had been trying to avoid it before.

The second option would be to install a defibrillator by his heart that would automatically shock it back into rhythm if it stopped or murmured, or what have you. He'd then start treatment for the Hep C, and go through transplant once everything is all said and done. Apparently, though, the downside is that the body becomes dependent on the defibrillator, and it becomes a permanent fixture even after surgery. Therefore, in his mind at least, he can never be "fully recovered". And as discussed before this option also means a significantly longer wait time. The odds are marginally better though.

Regardless, he's got to drop 30 pounds before they can go either route. Dropping wait for a man with CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and all his other issues is next to impossible because he has to avoid any and all strenuous, even mildly stressful, activity. The only chance he really has loose it is by starving himself slowly. It should also be noted that he is a man who really likes food.

So all in all, while his long term prognoses is still pretty good (70%), the journey is far from over. I'm just glad I can be there for him.

Contemplating the Nature of Bracha

I spent this past Shabbos in Upstate NY. Nothing too unusual there, but, this time it was not because of an NCSY Shabbaton. Rather, I spent a Shabbat at "home". I can't remember the last time I did this. My family never really did Shabbos together, at least not with any consistency, and certainly not with any care toward Halachic (Jewish Law) practice or family experience, we certainly never sang.

But a lot has changed since my tumultuous childhood, and life has a funny way of coming around. So this past Shabbat I found myself in my childhood home, with two of my younger siblings (one of my sisters is in Israel for the year), and my father, having Shabbos meals with conversation and even zmirot (songs). The meals were meager (Deli for Dinner, Lox for Lunch), but the Tikkun (Reparation/Healing) was tremendous. This is what brings me to my discussion, the nature of Brachot (Blessings).

For those who've been following this blog at all, you'll already be aware of two key realities. First, My father is in need of a Heart transplant, and his health is less then steallar. Second, My family was anything but stable, and until recent times I'd had virtually no relationship with my parents at all, often not even knowing their whereabouts. The question I toy with is whether or not the first is somehow an answer to the second, a Bracha coming from G-d in a manner least expected and most bittersweet.

I've posted before about how I view my current presence in America, a result of Aliyah (moving to Israel) falling through, as a Bracha in disguise because it allowed me to be in America for my father and the rest of my family during a time of need. Yet now I wonder if that feeling of self sacrifise is not short sighted. Maybe it has less to do with my ability to be here for him, and more to do with us being here for each other. Could this be the divinely mandated method through which a relationship long torn asunder can finally be repaired?

This is but a component of a larger question. Can suffering be considered a Bracha? Even blessed with hindsight can one ever say that suffering was the only solution, or even valuable given the justification of the means towards the ends. How does one weigh the benefit of regaining a loved one, a father, a friend, versus the cost of human suffering, sickness, and confrontation with mortality. Can I be thankful for this set of circumstances which allowed Tikkun, or must I compartmentalize, thankful for the renewed relationship, but mournful over the set of events through which it transpired. If we are to give thanks to Hashem (G-d) for the blessings he bestows on us, where do we draw that line?

Alas, I have no answer. Certainly there are growing pains as my relationship with my father slowly regenerates, but overall, I am ultimately thankful to have had the opportunity to rebuild it. At the same time I suffer with my father because of his health and seemingly endless wait, fearful that, G-d forbid, he may be snatched from me just as I'm starting to draw close again. In the meantime I pray.

Thanks to everyone who continues to Daven (Pray) on behalf of my father. His name again is: Baruch Matan HaLevi ben Miriam Sarah. May Hashem grant him with Nachama (Comfort), Refuah (Healing), and Koach (Fortitude). And may we all be blessed to see the blessing G-d bestows upon us every day through his own special ways.

I see Paris, But not in France, Now does Israel even have a Chance?

Just what Israel Needs...
Paris plans on giving Jerusalem their own mini Eiffel Tower.
Source for Story: http://www.israelnationalnews.com/news.php3?id=115928

Back after a long absence...

Well... Some of you may have noticed that it's been some time since my last post. This can in part be explained by a chain of events. Namely: Chagim (Holidays) computer blow-up (after 6.5 years the thing started sparking and smoking...) and finally, internet problems (aka, no wireless card in the new computer).

But I'm back. Not that I'll be posting very frequently, but I do want to keep the many who are praying on behalf of my father informed.

Anyway, here's the latest:

He just got back out of the hospital. This time he had to have his liver biopsied. They went in through one of the arteries in his neck. From what I understand they had to do this because of some possibly not so good results that came back from some of his blood work. Before they can do any actual transplant they need to be sure the rest of his body is in top shape. We now have to wait on the results of this biopsy to find out if he'll remain on the transplant list.

We're also still waiting on the LVAD surgery. They need to get his weight down before they can do it, and that means he needs to start a diet and exercise regimen which he can't really begin until after he recuperates from all the various minor probing surgeries they keep doing. So it seems it could be a while still before we can really start moving forward. Even though there are risks in waiting, it would seem that the doctors have evaluated and come to the conclusion that the risks are greater in not waiting. So once again we wait. This is probably the hardest part for him. All he wants to do is get back to work, to become independent again. Instead he needs increasingly more care and attention.

To make matters worse it would seem that his health insurance through his old job seems to be expiring shortly. He needs to start making payments on his own soon, which he can't really afford, in part because there is a legal freeze on his assets courtesy of court decisions having to do with child support payments between him and my mother. Lifting that freeze is also proving challenging, and while I doubt my mothers intention was to prevent him from receiving medical care, it would seem that may be the end effect.

It's tough to watch, but there's still hope yet. I thank all of you who are still praying on my fathers behalf. We've actually updated his name, not as an attempt to change his mazel toward refuah (a tradition that by changing the name one can change his luck - a step we may take later I suppose), but rather as a result of increased information. (We didn't know his mother had a middle name.)

The name for the sake of Teffilah (Prayer) is: Baruch Matan HaLevi ben Miriam Sarah
May G-d grant him with the care that he needs, and a complete and total return to health, and may he do so speedily.

My Dad made the List Everyone is Dieing to be on!

Sorry about the cheesy pun, but with such heavy topics, sometimes even very bad humor is called for.

So, this New Year brings with it good news and a new nikkuda (point) of hope. My father (thank G-d) has been approved for a Heart Transplant and has been added to the coveted transplant list. He's not near the top, but he's on it.

The issue is that he has a rare blood type and he's in better shape than a lot of other people who simply need it more (for that I'm thankful). His expected wait time is 18-20 months, but you never know with transplants.

In the mean time though he waits. It's clear though that his heart can't make that wait on it's own. His doctors have told him that he will require a surgical procedure within the next month or two. The lead option right now is for him to get a LVAD (Left Ventricular Assist Device), which will assist his heart in performing its daily functions until the transplant finally takes place.

So... Thanks again to everyone who continues to pray on my fathers behalf. (His name again is Baruch Matan HaLevi ben Miriam.)

May we all be blessed with a new year of health, happiness, simcha, and brachot. Shana Tovah! (Good 'New' Year!)

A Little Less Controversy

We all need a little less controversy in our lives. And, I've just recieved it. After much discussion with my yeshiva we've decided not to out source me to UTJ/ITJ for Gemara. [See older post Here] No politics. Just reality. Let the learning begin!

Pondering the "What If's"

Half a year ago, if I'd been asked what I'd be doing right now, I would probably have said unpacking. And while, sure enough, I'm still in the midst of unpacking and settling into my new apartment, it is very far from where I thought I'd be.

See, yesterday (Sept. 5th, 2006) was supposed to be the day I was going to be making Aliyah with Nefesh B'Nefesh. Today would have been my first real day in Israel after a long, 2+ year, hiatus. And this time, it would have been permanent.

While an in depth reading of my blog would provide any reader out there with a cursory over view of the why and how I ended up in NYC instead of in my heart's home land (in so much detail as I'm willing to share in a public forum), what it cannot do is provide an adequate picture of the various emotions, thoughts, and inexpressible non-tangibles that I'm currently experiencing.

So too, while I truly believe that it is Yad Hashem (the hand of G-d) that moved me from my previous path onto the one I walk now, and while I'm thoroughly convinced that although my heart is still clearly etched in Israel, I acknowledge the overbearing reality that my Avodah (work and mission in this world) is here, non of these thoughts are enough to overcome the tinge of sadness that creeps up within me as I long to be Home (in Israel).

There are many things that I know I should count as brachas (blessings) that I'm still in the States, and possibly even in the city. Even today, I had the opportunity to join up with my father who is undergoing another round of tests at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital, to provide him with the support, encouragement, presence, and physical hug, that I can tell he needs so much right now. G-d is constantly providing me little insights into why it is so important that I must be where I am right now. Yet, all of this too is not enough to keep me from thinking about what could have been.

In the end, I suppose this is just human nature. I'm under the impression that these feelings will quiet, and all but disappear with time. But with the passage of the moment that I'd viewed and longed for as a moment of redemption for so long, I'm also afraid of the implication that forgetting these feelings would imply. In a way, the sadness I feel keeps me connected, and severing that connection would be a fate much worse then sadness. Im Eshkachaich Et Yerushaliem - If I forget the Oh Jerusalem, while I certainly pray that day should never come.


**An update as to my father's (Baruch Matan HaLevi Ben Miriam) status:

Today was the middle of a 3 day marathon of tests that my father is currently undergoing. The initial surgery idea is almost entirely out. There were some new complications (medical stuff I didn't really understand or catch) that changed the odds of success for his surgery to some pretty intolerable levels. Once again, Thanks to G-d (and to all those who've continued to pray to him on my father's behalf) must go out, as, if he'd had the surgery when originally scheduled, the absence of this new information could have been fatal. Hashem YeRacheim (G-d Show's his mercy).

The barrage of tests he's currently undergoing stretch the gambit, even including substance screening and mental stability evaluations, as the board in charge of Transplants will be evaluating his status of eligibility and if eligible, where he will fall on the transplant list. They're also starting to explore temporary solutions like pacemakers that he can use in the interim while waiting for a transplant, should he be placed lower on the list and need to wait for a long time. The hope is that any surgery procedure will take place within the next month and a half so that his condition will cease its slow, but ever constant deterioration.

In theory, after the test results and board decision come back, he could be placed high on the list, and then if a compatible donor organ can be found he could already have a transplant completed by the end of the month. In reality though, it will probably be a much longer process, and I need to prepare myself for that mentally. Either way, I suppose it is good in the end that I can be here for him in his time of need. Maybe we can finally build the relationship we were never able to have while I was growing up absent of his presence. For now, we're going to take things one step at a time, and hope and pray for the best.

**In a interesting twist of fate, the google adsense ads at the top of my blog actually proved useful. Here is a link for the Heart Transplant Page at Colombia Presbyterian. It's actually full of helpful information, and explains a lot of things better then I ever could hope to do.

Secular Yeshiva? Oxymoronic or About Time?

This picture is not just a plug for HODS - Though you should check them out.

Hat Tip to Esther at Jewlicious for breaking this out first.

According to an Article in YNet! A new Secular Yeshiva is opening up in Tel Aviv. It's being pushed by an organization called Bina. I'll let you guys read the article on your own. I'll just bring up what will certainly be the big debate, especially in the many circles where any Torah learning outside the classical Lithuanian framework is opposed vehemently and seen as destructive and perversion. Namely, there will be those who argue that any "Yeshiva" operating outside the classical orthodox framework is: a.) Not a Yeshiva, and b.) A negative development that is to be condemned and invalidated.

Now, while I wish to preference my remarks by stating that I would never personally attend a Yeshiva not founded on a commitment to Halacha and the Halachic Process as classically defined. I strongly believe that institutions such as this are vital to our current Jewish community and the survival of our people. As such I fully support its creation, and look forward to seeing what kind of students it produces.

Why is it vital? Simple. There are many, many, many, of our brothers and sisters out there who simply have no connection to the larger community. Our un-affiliated Jews. They are the Rov HaAm, the majority. And, largely, the unfortunate reality is that they are unreachable by the community at large. Unreachable by all denominations, by all sects, and by all organizations. They are the Sh'Lo Yodeah Lishol of our Passover Hagada (The son who doesn't even know what question to ask), or worse, they are what the Lubavature Rebbe described as the 5th son, not mentioned in the Haggada because he isn't even present at the Seder (Passover Meal). These are the people that we need to find a way to re-connect in a stigma free, pressure free, warm, loving, and welcoming environment. These are the people that need us to come to them. To meet them at their level. To extend a hand and bond of friendship.

That, to me, is what this new Yeshiva can be. B'Ezrat Hashem (With G-d's Help) it will be a place that the many lost and wondering souls will be able to find serenity. Where they can explore themselves, and our collective history, traditions, and teachings. Even if they themselves are not affected to become active, observant, and passionate members of our community, the mere fact that they are no longer fully ignorant brings hope for the next generation.

(Just as a side note: While I was attending the NCSY Staff Training Conference last week, one of the things that was discussed was the continued expansion of the divide between the orthodox world and the rest of the Jewish nation, especially the unaffiliated portions of the population. It was sort of a consensus on the part of the Rabbinic leadership that something needed to be done, and that we, as the NCSY advisors and as modern orthodox individuals, served the vital role as the bridge between the two worlds.)

This venture and vision is of course not without hesitation. It is very important that what is taught be authentic. In my mind, there is a huge difference between this proposed secular yeshiva, and other streams and movements looking to provide their own substance and direction. The key to the success of this institution is going to be in it's commitment to study the classic texts. To involve themselves in the 2000+ year traditions of our people. To be presented with the unaltered, truth and beauty of our Torah. The exposure is what's important. What they do once exposed is their personal journey.

I am comforted by the fact that among the teachers the article mentions is Rabbi Yoel Bin-Nun, head of the Religious Kibbutz Yeshiva on Ein Tzurim and who also happens to be on the advisory board for my own Yeshiva (YCT). He's been involved in the starting of many wonderful centers of Torah learning, including Yeshivat Har Etzion (Gush). And hopefully, his influence will keep this new endeavor on the right path.

[The Yeshiva's Overview by Bina]
[Another Article on the Secular Yeshiva]
[And Another Article on the Secular Yeshiva]
__________________________________

On to the Update of my father (Baruch Matan HaLevi ben Miriam), we're still waiting. I'm going to be heading Upstate tomorrow for a NCSY conference/convention and will B'Ezrat Hashem get to see him and find out more what the latest is. I think at this point we're waiting either on the Insurance company or a test result. (Or both.)

Anyway, I thank everyone for their continued prayers on his behalf.

No News Is Good News Right?

Still no word on my father's new surgery date, or even as to whether or not they still plan on moving forward with the procedure, or intend on going with the transplant option. As the song says, "Waiting, Is the Hardest Part." (His Name Again, for use in your prayers, is: Baruch Matan HaLevi Ben Miriam.)

Speaking of waiting, it seems like that's all I did this past week. I was at an all week conference/staff training for NCSY in New Jersey. It seems like all I was doing was waiting for the current speaker to end.

I certainly appreciated the idea behind the conference, and the accommodations, but I still feel that way too much time was put into convincing us to do the job that all of us had already signed on to do, and next to know time was dedicated to providing practical skill set training.

There was alight at the end of the tunnel though, as the last day was actually a JSU (Jewish Student Union) training conference, and being that it was run by Shira Reifman, it proved to be a well organized, useful day. The materials and topics were relevant and immediately useful, and time was spent on practical skill acquisition, rather then self-aggrandizing pats on the back.

In the end though, it all provided a great excuse not to unpack, and now that I've finally returned to my apartment, (I spent a great Shabbos by he Reifman's and haven't seen my new apartment since the night I moved in,) I'm greeted by all my unpacked bags and boxes. I suppose it would be less daunting if I had furniture, especially book shelves and a dresser, into which I could unpack. I have a half-fakocked scheme to build myself a loft with shelves, and a desk under the bed that would save me a lot of space, but we'll have to see if that actually pans out. In the mean time I'm still sleeping on my air mattress toying with ideas.

Coupling all this with a parking ticket I just paid from the one and only night I kept my car in NYC and the current loud music blaring outside my apartment window from someone's car, my distaste for the city and everything about it is only being deepened and entrenched.It's going to be a long 6 years. At least I have a nice Chevra (Friendship Circle) in and around NYC, that should go a long way toward helping ensure I manage to endure my time here.

I start my program at Chovevei tomorrow with a Lunch orientation, and classes begin Monday. Maybe if I stay busy enough, I can avoid dwelling on my environment. It's going to be good to get into a routine. Anyway, if your in NYC and you don't think I know that yet, and you want to get together at some point, drop me a call or email me. The more people I manage to network with here, the greater my chances of survival. Now to Unpack...

** I'm adding this mostly so that I can remember, but also because others may want to go: [Check Out Flyer Here:]

Please join SimplyTsfat, Soul Farm and Pey Daled for a fantastic evening in support of
northern Israel.

Date: Motzei Shabbos Sept 9th
time: 9:30pm
where: 92nd street "Y"
1395 Lexington ave at 92nd street

To order tickets, call 212.415.5500. For more information or for sponsorship opportunities,
please contact Heidi at 516.823.4131 or visit www.tsfat.com.

all ticket sales will be going to help residents of norther Israel. Show your support and have a great evening
too!!

** Another quick edit... Apparently I can't make the concert (my friend is having a Chanukat HaBayit though he doesn't know it, he calls it a house warming party), but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go to what should be a great performance.

The Long Awaited Update

This is going to have to be brief, as I'm making my big move to NYC tomorrow and I still have to pack, do laundry, find directions, load the car, and get enough sleep to make the drive safely.

Camps done. It was a great summer. B'li Neder (Without making an oath) I'll write up more about the summer when things settle down, if they settle down.

I've got a wedding on Monday, and a multi day conference in NJ for NCSY the rest of the week. Yeshiva starts a week from tomorrow with a Sunday afternoon brunch. Come later that week I'm already back with NCSY staffing a Regional Board retreat and LTS (the Leadership Training Seminar). Needless to say I'm keeping myself busy.

As I promised a lot of people at camp, I will use this forum to keep people updated as to my fathers status. (His Name again is: Baruch Matan HaLevi Ben Miriam.) If you've already been reading my blog, then you already know that my father is facing some pretty major surgery. It had been scheduled for the 14th of August, but was postponed because one of the necessary pieces of equipment needed servicing. Where still waiting on a new date.

As a recap. He had CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) a little while back.He currently needs 3 of his 4 valves replaced, and needs to repair holes between the left and right side of his heart in both the upper and lower chambers. His heart also expanded, and he will need to have it brought back down to normal size. Currently there are only 3hospitals that have the equipment and expertise to perform the surgery he needs, Columbia Presbyterian in NYC (where he was originally scheduled to have it), a hospital in Boston, and a hospital in Cleveland. At this point, they are also starting to consider the option of an actual heart transplant. (They try to avoid this because of the long waiting lists, and frequent rejections of the transplanted organ.) The hardest part right now is the waiting.

With that said, I continue to thank all those of you who have been davening (praying) for him, and to those of you who will continue to do so. Todah Lechem (Thank You All).

To Camp I go...

See you all in a month...

Parshat Pinchas Preverted

This weeks Torah portion is Parshat Pinchas. It begins by finishing the story of the Zealotry of Pinchas, wherein he spears Zimmry and Cosby, killing them while they are in the peak of their sinful act. In doing so he averts a plague and is elevated by G-d to the status of a Priest.

The story of Pinchas is not one easily understood. The key is to remember that, just like his grandfather Aaron, Pinchas was also an Ohev Shalom v'Rodef Shalom (a lover of peace and a pursuer of peace).

Unfortunately, a lot of people use the story of Pinchas as an excuse to promote violence and subvert the law against individuals who are involved in sinful behavior. As if on cue with the parsha this week, fliers in Jerusalem have appeared offering NIS 20,000 (20,000 New Israeli Shekels, or about $4,500) to anyone who will kill participants in the International Gay Pride Parade scheduled for Jerusalem next month. [Read the Arutzsheva Story Here]

Now, while I may not personally be a fan of having the parade in Jerusalem. (I do feel that it is an unnecessary slap in the face to the Torah Observant communities.) There are many other ways of dealing with it that are both more appropriate, and less criminal. Hate and Aggression are not the answer. I certainly hope no one takes those fliers seriously.

Bow Wow Wow Yippie Yo Yippie Yay!

The Rabbinical Council of America just recently (June 30th) ruled that smoking (at least of cigarettes, the article seems vague as to other types of tobacco use only directly mentioning cigarettes, though their logic should apply to any tobacco use,) is NOT permitted under Jewish Law. Read the full text of the Jewish Legal decision here. (It's also a great read for people who just want to get an idea for how Jewish Legal decisions are reached. It's written clearly, and mostly in English.)

Jumping strait to the conclusion we see that:

Accordingly, this analysis must lead to the unambiguous conclusion that smoking is clearly and unquestionably forbidden by הלכה [Halacha/Jewish Law] and that this should be made known to all who care about the תורה [Torah] and their health.

In my mind, this is a great demonstration of the progression of Halacha, and a demonstration of a time when the Halachic system really works. I applaud the RCA for making such a firm stance, even countering the many arguments made by countless others as to reasons not to prohibit smoking.

Two other great statements are made in the Tshuva [Legal Verdict/Responsa] that I feel need highlighting. First, the final statement of the entire piece, demonstrating caring and compassion for the individuals affected by the ruling.

A final note is in order: People who smoke are not, ח''ו ["Chas V'Shalom" -- G-d forbid], doing so in an attempt to flout הלכה [Halacha/Jewish Law]. In fact, most would dearly wish to quit, but shedding an addiction is no simple matter. While it is important to make clear that הלכה [Halacha/Jewish Law] prohibits smoking, it is also important not to condemn those who struggle with this issue. Rather we must offer our full help and support to aid them in their quest for physical and spiritual health.

Wouldn't it be great if this same mode of understanding and desire to aid and accept were applied to all Jews irregardless of which Halachic issues they were struggling with? If we were receptive to the fact that many of our brothers and sisters struggle just as much with other areas of Halacha that perhaps are more taboo in the religious fold yet still deeply rooted within the individuals psyche and physical makeup (Sexuality, just to name one), then, just perhaps, more of our brothers and sisters would also be increasingly receptive toward Orthodoxy as a movement and a renewed commitment to Halacha. When we realize that keeping all the Mitzvot (commandments) is not easy for everyone, and choose to focus on what is accomplished rather then on where one fails; If we provide positive reinforcement and friendly helpful critique rather then vehement condemnation, then we can foster the beneficial relationships and repair the rift in Am Yisrael (The Jewish Nation).

Second, a statement that was made that I'd like to focus on for my own philosophising:

Rav J. David Bleich שליט''א [ "Shlita" is short for "SHe-yichyeh LI-yomim Tovim Arukim" -- "May he live days that are pleasant and long"] has noted strikingly that, while given the information available in his day, Rav Moshe Feinstein זצ''ל [ "Zatsal" is short for zecher tzadik le-vracha" -- "The memory of the righteous is a blessing"] certainly ruled correctly, “It must be noted, however, that there is little question that Igros Moshe’s responsum, written in 1964, accurately reflects the societal reality of that time…However, it is more than likely that, at present, that condition no longer obtains.”

This begs several questions on scope. It is a common argument against Orthodoxy that it fails to adapt to increased awareness and social reality. Clearly, that is not the case all the time, as the above quote demonstrates. The question at hand is when. When can we determine that societal reality has changed such that the halacha also needs to change to reflect that fact? Can it only be applied to make the rules more stringent (To rule on the side of Chumra) as seen in the case above? Or can it also be applied to rule on the side of Heter (to rule more leniently). There is must certainly be limits, and a balance to the process. But what those limits are, short of Halachot Dorita (Written Torah Laws) and most likely Halachot D'Rabanan (Early Rabbinical Enactments such as Chanukah), is difficult to say. I for one certainly don't have the necessary knowledge base or authority as of now to make such a decision. How do we know who does?

On the one hand I'm excited and hopeful at the knowledge of the possibility for change that could lead to a reJEWvination of our people and an increase in those willing to engage in the Halachic lifestyle. At the same time I'm hesitant, and even fearful of such a process, as the possibility exists of going too far. Striping Judaism of its core and meaning. The last thing I would want is for religion to become a cultural process. It seems clear to me that G-d consciousness is critical, as is the need to ultimately respond to his absolute authority rather then our human desires. I just wish I knew where to draw the line that would maintain authenticity while accommodating as many Jews as possible. I wish it were easier to balance my love of each and every Jew with my love for G-d and his Torah.

Just to end on a technical note, I wonder how other types of smoking and tobacco use are treated. In my mind, any regularly used product, a pipe, chewing tobacco, or what have you, that is used with frequency and regularity, would also be prohibited by this ruling. That to me seems to be a strait forward extension, and clearly what the authors would intend to convey. The place where it seems less certain is casual, non-regular, tobacco use, such as a celebratory cigar, or a occasional smoking of a hookah. Here the health risks, and risks of addiction, are significantly decreased. A person who smokes a cigar once a year, or a hookah one time while on a Birthright trip in Israel are not really causing themselves any long term physical harm. They will be no worse for ware after their experience. In this case it would seem like the Halachic reasoning used in this article doesn't really apply.

Again, however, we are faced with a question of frequency and scope. We now have to judge at what point a person has used too much. Is once a month ok? Once a week? Maybe only once every 6 months? Again we seem to be playing with a slippery slope. Is this a reason to possibly extend the prohibition to any use of tobacco, no matter how limited, period? Who would decide how much is too much?

So, while I applaud the RCA for its (long overdue) verdict, several questions still remain worth considering. What do you guys think?

While you ponder all this, please continue to pray for my father (Baruch Matan ben Miriam) who is due to under go major heart surgery. (I'm not going to keep linking to all the previous posts, please feel free to explore older posts if you want more details.) Thanks!

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Link to Press Release from RCA [here]:
Quick Links to Other Blogs Who've Posted on This Issue: [Jewschool] [Danya Ruttenberg]
That's all I've found so far (after making my post).

**2 more links. (Seems like this is a slow issue...) [Orthonomics] [Hirhurim]

Time to Hit the Road

As of one hour ago, I became a newly licensed driver (which helps to explain the badly edited photo). That's right, I passed my road test.This is a very good development, because had I failed, well, failure was not an option. I need the license for my summer job. There was no wiggle room there. So thanks to all those who've helped me acquire the license. (Chris, Lev, Guppy, and Joanne over at Easy Method Driving School.) You guys made this possible.

Now the fun part, doing the rest of the work I need to do this summer,including but not limited to driving the Big "Gay" Keshet Van. (Please don't take offense at the word usage.) It gets its name for a reason,namely being a giant white fifteen passenger van with a rainbow logo on the side with only the word Keshet (Hebrew for Rainbow) below it.Topping it all off is the fact that everyone inside is paired off with someone of the same gender, camper and shadow, it's a special needs camp after all, and the fact that it is driven in very rural, religious,Wisconsin, and it's needless to say that we attract some weird looks and a few horns and such... Oh well... Keshet Pride and all, right?

More fun is the fact that the van is not only large, making it difficult to drive to start with, it's also older then old, and the mirrors on the sides blow in from the wind so you can't use them. It's a pain to drive, or so I'm told.

Anyway, Please Keep praying for my father (Baruch Matan Ben Miriam). He should be blessed with a quick, painless, successful surgery, and a speedy recovery. (See Previous Post, and this post.)